In this sexy but sexless game, the battle is the star

When I sat down to write this review, I saw that Stellar Blade developer Shift Up had officially announced that the game would be "uncensored" in all regions. Predictably, there was much rejoicing from people who had been drawn to Stellar Blade protagonist EVE's shiny buttocks grinding against a flame. To be honest, I can't blame them; she's a shockingly attractive virtual person, a trait she shares with pretty much the entire game's cast, all of whom are either insanely hot, badass cyborgs, weird meaty monsters, or a particularly lovely combination of two or even all three elements. But as someone who had finished the game earlier that afternoon, I couldn't help but laugh my sadly shiny ass off.

Even though Stellar Blade has tight and sometimes revealing clothing, and its protagonist EVE sucks her breasts all over the shop, it's as safe and sexless as the latest entry in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Yes, fan art and fanfic will be great, but there is no fan service on display here. I'm actually quite happy, because now that we've got all the rubbish behind us, we can get to the review and say that Stellar Blade is mostly a damn good time.

Stellar Blade is a flashy character action game like your Devil May Crys and Ninja Gaidens. There's a bit of soulslike in there, but only to the same extent as pretty much any action game these days. Yes, it has checkpoints, respawning enemies, and parrying, but that's not enough for an entire genre, you know? The game Stellar Blade is very reminiscent, and not just because it will launch a thousand cosplays, is Nier: Automata: You have a beautiful balletic blade-wielding badass of a cyborg-android persuasion descending from space to liberate a post-apocalyptic wasteland of raging meanies so that all the nice people can be safe. Oh, and she's accompanied by a hauntingly beautiful soundtrack full of soft, ethereal vocals.