And love is an act of surrender to another person. Total abandonment. I give myself to you. Take me.

58 years (1915–1973)

Deceased (1915–1973)

Instead of falling in love, a more fruitful notion is to “rise in love”. Rising in love encourages a mindset of growth, maturity and learning. Instead of love being at our mercy, a state that we fall into and can easily fall out of, it is something that is nurtured and built upon.

Love is something that is cultivated between two people and grows over time, through getting to know him or her and experiencing life’s many ups and downs together. It involves commitment, time, mutual trust, and acceptance.

When rising in love you have a better understanding that relationships require work. No matter where the relationship stands, you are constantly learning about your partner, this does not end once you are married or once you tell your friends you are in a relationship.

Growing in love is a very conscious choice. Falling in love can take an instant, but growing in love takes time. Time for both people to grow up and together and decide that they still choose other. Time for life and what they know about themselves to dictate whether they still belong together.

Many others only date people on the high end of their attraction spectrum, because they believe that’s where real love and passion lie. Attractions can grow—and many of us have had the experience of becoming more attracted to someone as we got to know him or her better.

With that in mind, read on below for a few effective ways to help love grow in your relationship, according to experts.

1. Cuddle More Often. Ashley Batz/Bustle.
2. Make Eye Contact.
3. Have A New Experience.
4. Express Love & Appreciation.
5. Keep Asking Questions.
6. Hang Out More Often.
7. Solve Problems Together.
8. Pay Attention & Give Attention.

You may always carry those feelings with you in some form. Love doesn’t always go away just because we want it to. But even if you can’t entirely stop loving someone who doesn’t love you or who’s caused you harm, you can manage those feelings in positive, healthy ways so they don’t continue to cause you pain.

Real love is unselfish and wants for nothing, unless it betters the two, whereas true love is selfish. Real loves notices, and longs for, the little things — letters, CDs, movie time, sweet texts — the things that evoke a smile, even on the worst of days.